highwayvampire
Unblooded
Cry your tears. The rivers they make run away the tears for those who cannot mourn.
Posts: 25
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Post by highwayvampire on Nov 28, 2009 13:59:31 GMT -6
So it's that time of year. You're probably all pulling out the fake christmas tree and estimating whether after having owned it for 5 years the rusting areas that appeared after the first years storage have now exceded beyond the point of being covered by the overbearing amount of tinsel placed on it by your children. Or are rushing to the nearest garden centre,that you didn't know existed untill the bright red sign appeared in the road on your way home from work stating the have real christmas trees, to buy the biggest, most impractical tree with £25 delivery,because strapping it to your car roof became a driving hazard sometime after the good old 50's, hoping buying it sooner, despite being an ever green plant, will reduce the number of pines you have to sweep off your living room floor everytime you even dare breath on it. And yes on top of everything else I can make christmas sound 10 times worse than it actually is.
So on the run up of this joyous occasion I'm opening this thread for all the christmas jokes you'll hear on the radio, see on the tv, and for those strange people who buy crackers and open them on the 2nd of December, because despite 30years of the same jokes in them they can't remember last years to write in cards to relatives...who will also see that same joke in 6 other crackers over the christmas week.
So heres the first joke. Feel free to add pictures, photos or just the normal writing.
What do you get it you cross a snow man with a vampire? [glow=red,2,300]Frostbite[/glow]
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Post by Dachan-da (shiznit) on Nov 29, 2009 4:00:53 GMT -6
So it's that time of year. You're probably all pulling out the fake christmas tree and estimating whether after having owned it for 5 years the rusting areas that appeared after the first years storage have now exceded beyond the point of being covered by the overbearing amount of tinsel placed on it by your children. Or are rushing to the nearest garden centre,that you didn't know existed untill the bright red sign appeared in the road on your way home from work stating the have real christmas trees, to buy the biggest, most impractical tree with £25 delivery,because strapping it to your car roof became a driving hazard sometime after the good old 50's, hoping buying it sooner, despite being an ever green plant, will reduce the number of pines you have to sweep off your living room floor everytime you even dare breath on it. And yes on top of everything else I can make christmas sound 10 times worse than it actually is. So on the run up of this joyous occasion I'm opening this thread for all the christmas jokes you'll hear on the radio, see on the tv, and for those strange people who buy crackers and open them on the 2nd of December, because despite 30years of the same jokes in them they can't remember last years to write in cards to relatives...who will also see that same joke in 6 other crackers over the christmas week. That is a gift you have, all you needed to ad was "Bah humbug" to make it complete lol What do you get it you cross a snow man with a vampire? [glow=red,2,300]Frostbite[/glow] *puts face into his own hands and shakes his head*I cant belive you went there, you just had to do it didn’t ya And some bad Xmas jokes What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake? Tarzipan ! Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ? No you can have turkey like everyone else ! What did the eskimos sing when they got there Christmas dinner ? "Whalemeat again, don't know where, don't know when " ! What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ? My pop is bigger than yours ! Who is never hungry at Christmas ? The turkey - he's always stuffed ! What bird has wings but cannot fly ? Roast turkey ! Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ? Your teeth ! We had grandma for Christmas dinner ? Really, we had turkey ! Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ? You get tinsel-itus ! What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ? Grave-y !
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Kud
Blooded
Choices?
Posts: 259
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Post by Kud on Dec 1, 2009 8:42:32 GMT -6
OMG FAAAIIILL DX
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Post by jakraziel on Dec 4, 2009 16:32:36 GMT -6
There was a man who wanted to find the perfect gift for his wife. He went to the store and asked the salesclerk and asked him what he should get his wife. The salesclerk brought out a parrot. The salesclerk said, this is no ordinary parrot, if you light a match under it's right foot, it plays Silent Night, if you light a match under it's left foot, it plays Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The salesclerk made sure to tell him that the name of the parrot is Chet. The man thought it would be great, so he took it home. He let his wife open it early, since it was a living thing. He told her what great songs it played. They wondered what it would play if they lit a match under it's crotch. So, they did. The parrot sang "Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire."
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highwayvampire
Unblooded
Cry your tears. The rivers they make run away the tears for those who cannot mourn.
Posts: 25
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Post by highwayvampire on Dec 4, 2009 16:49:44 GMT -6
That is a gift you have, all you needed to ad was "Bah humbug" to make it complete lol I don't hate christmas....I just hate the run up to it. So much rushing around. So much to organise. The relatives you've managed to avoid for a year finally have a reason to visit you can't actually say no to. Despite cooking a roast meal almost every sunday of the year and it all being good and on time, on christmas day the power will cut out. The potatoes will not boil. The turkey seems to be burning on the outside whilst still bleeding from the centre, because you decided to buy it 3 weeks in advance, and trying to defrost 7kg of it in under 24hrs. A physical impossibility that has been proven through the hundreds of generations of christmas'. The reason of buying so soon being pointless because despite everyone saying, every year that they will not get one if they don't buy it in Novermber, being continually proven wrong by the 50 turkeys on special offer on the 27th of December. Showing that despite everything else, being pulled off the shelves at the rate of a 5 year old eating smarties, having a order limit that causes you to stock up in runnning up weeks, the turkey, which is the bane of any persons kitchen, can actually be the item of least fuss being the last thing to be brought on the 23rd of December, left to defrost over the 24th leaving you to go to bed at the nice early time of 10 pm to place it in the oven at 6 am for lunch when you're child runs in with the presents you had to sit around for 2 hours after they'd gone to bed, doing nothing, to place there. And I recall on the age thread there was someone 15....I'm sorry, there is no santa. What do you get it you cross a snow man with a vampire? [glow=red,2,300]Frostbite[/glow] *puts face into his own hands and shakes his head*I cant belive you went there, you just had to do it didn’t ya Yer I did. I had to get one of the only vamp x-mas jokes out there before anyone else. It was similar to getting the quote from a zombie movie before you there was a little voice going "don't do it, it's not worth it, you'll kill something in him". But there was a bigger voice going "Do it! Do it now before they post!" I just prefer the voice wearing the red. ----E Scrooge broke his clock, he punched and then stamped on it Why did he do that? He said it was self-defence. He said the clock struck first!
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Kud
Blooded
Choices?
Posts: 259
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Post by Kud on Dec 4, 2009 22:06:12 GMT -6
So much fail its almost a win xD
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[Derzza]
Young Blood
Porn for the Porn God
Posts: 86
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Post by [Derzza] on Jan 29, 2010 12:12:52 GMT -6
I've got the best christmas joke ever. It's hilarious. Jesus That's hilarious.
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Post by endlessagony on Mar 6, 2010 18:35:23 GMT -6
I can't see what your joke is do i need special rights to view posts
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